Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Makeup Review: Korres Greek Yoghurt Nourishing Primer

ProductKorres Greek Yoghurt Nourishing Primer

Review: I've been trying  a lot of different primers lately. There are so many that are middle-of-the-road for me that I don't feel like reviewing them until I run out of products that interest me. There are very few products I've tried that I've despised so much I threw them away after one use. This is one of them.

Before I unleash my hardcore product hatred, let's talk about primers in general. To me, primers are supposed to be a nice, unobtrusive product you apply before foundation that helps your foundation/makeup apply better and last longer without any negative side effects. That's it. They're not that complicated. Companies are trying to innovate and create the next new "thing" in primers, whether it's to super moisturize or hide your fine lines, but they're all little frosting dots on the cake, you know? It's primer. You cover it up and want to be able to forget it's there.

I'm just going to say it. This primer is the most disgustingly scented product I've ever smeared on my face. EVER. It smells like someone drank a bunch of spoiled milk, ate a couple of fruity Yankee candles, and barfed it all up for you to put under your foundation. If you've ever been/walked by a Yankee Candle Co. store, you know how powerful that shit is. Now combine that smell with fresh sour milk vomit. Boom. Korres bottled that scent up just for your primer.

Now, I'm pretty scent-sensitive, but I have tolerated using samples of face lotion that smelled like my boyfriend's feet after a workout. You know how I managed it? Because the smell always disappears after 10-30 minutes or so. This primer? It reeks ALL FUCKING DAY LONG. It overpowers anything you put on top of it and the godawful stench refuses to die. Here's how my day with this primer went:

I was super excited to use up another sample to try this bullshit product that I wasted my Sephora points on. At the time, I was all like, "WHEE! I love Korres! Can't wait to slather this all over!"
When I opened it and squirted some onto my hand, I immediately regretted my decision because I could smell a tiny dot of it from a foot and a half away. That never bodes well. However, I figured since it was Korres and it had some ok reviews on Sephora, it would be fine! So I applied a super-thin layer and then proceeded to make myself up for the day. After 30 minutes of makeup, I could still smell the horrible stench of that primer. 30 minutes! Primer world record right there. I wanted to wash everything off and start over with something that didn't make me want to gag (because the smell of any kind of vomit does that to me), but I was late and needed to get going. Plus, I figured it had to fade by the time I got to work, right? Fucking wrong, my friends.

By the time I got to work, I swear that nasty primer odor had only gotten stronger. If anything, it hadn't faded. I spent the first 2 hours of work trying to breathe through my mouth to avoid the smell, but I kept forgetting, so I'd get strong whiffs of candle barf every couple minutes or so. Then, after the 2 hour mark, I started getting a migraine. Yep, I get scent-related migraines, and joy of joys, this primer had set one off. I usually get a little nauseated when migraining, but with that smell on my face, I was so sick to my stomach it reminded me of the worst hangover of my life (PSA: don't try to drink a whole bottle of vodka when you have to be up early for a 2 hour car trip loaded with hills and tight curves. You will pray for death. Death will not come. But projectile vomit will).

I powered through by sheer will, fantasizing about clawing the primer off my face, until around 2pm when my migraine started to affect my vision and I decided I'd had enough torture for one day. Made it home, then washed the ever loving fuck out of my face with 2 different cleansers, cursing Sephora and Korres the whole time. After my face was finally primer-free, I passed out in an attempt to sleep off my migraine.

When I woke up, you had better believe I threw that fucking primer in the trash. No one should have to go through that twice. No one.

Now, I will try to say 1 thing nice: it was very moisturizing. But that's what you use fucking moisturizer for in the first place after you wash your face. My makeup didn't apply any differently than it does with normal moisturizer and it started to fade a little by the afternoon, so it didn't even make pass my basic primer qualifications. And for $30? Fuck to the no. Even if you don't have a nose or enjoy the smell of candle barf, $30 is waaaay too much to spend on a primer that is basically a glorified overscented moisturizer.

Rated Beauty Grade: D--- (I will grudgingly not give it an F, because it was moisturizing and didn't give me pimples)

Price: $30 at Sephora and Beauty.com.

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